Why Your Libido Changed and What That Actually Means

If you don't want sex the way you used to, and you feel guilty or confused about that, you're not broken and it's probably not about attraction at all.

What's actually changing

Postpartum hormone shifts are real and significant, especially if you're breastfeeding, where prolactin stays elevated and actively suppresses the hormones tied to desire. On top of that, your body may still be physically healing in ways that don't show on the outside, and touch saturation from being needed by little hands all day doesn't exactly set the stage for wanting more touch at night. Your postpartum core dysfunction also causes your nervous system to be in constant fight or flight mode, which also lowers your libido.

It's not about him, and it's not about you

This is the part that carries so much unnecessary guilt. A lower libido postpartum isn't a verdict on your marriage or your attraction to your partner. It's just your body doing what you need to survive in this season of your life.

The timeline nobody tells you

Hormonal recovery can take months, longer if you're breastfeeding, and it doesn't follow the same six-week timeline your OB uses to clear you for activity. Being "cleared" physically and feeling ready are two completely different things, and there's nothing wrong with the gap between them.

What actually helps

Talk about it before it becomes a silent tension. Naming what's happening, even briefly, does more for a marriage than either of you pretending everything's the same. Don't force it before your body's ready, and address physical discomfort directly if it's there, as your core and pelvic floor healing plays a real role here too. In the meantime, non-sexual closeness still counts as connection.

Your marriage was never meant to run on your body's old timeline. There's grace built into a season like this one, and naming that out loud tends to matter more than either of you expect.

If you and your partner want support navigating this season together, Frank and I created a 7 day program that helps you and your partner redefine movement, mindset, and nutrition in this new season you are both navigating together.

Explore 7 Days to Energize Your Life →

Mindy Lagdameo is co-founder of Mamafit, where she coaches moms through postpartum core recovery and real-life wellness. More at @coachmamamindy.fit.